The Adventures of Elevator Lance Season 3
by KiethBlackLion
Summary: Here is the third season of the ever popular Elevator Lance. As before, season 2 was suppose to be the end of the series but I managed to find a way to bring in another set of twelve episodes. Please enjoy and as always, please leave feedback. Thanks.
1. S3E1 Consider the Alternatives: Part 3

**Disclaimer: **_I do not own any of the characters , settings, etc involving Voltron: Defender of the Universe. These stories are for entertainment purposes only and are to be viewed as parodies_

* * *

**The Adventures of Elevator Lance:**

**Consider the Alternatives: Part III**

Lance woke up with his head pounding. As his eyes adjusted to the bright light he realized he wasn't in his own room.

"Where am I?" he asked.

"You're in the Medical Wing," Keith answered.

"Why am I here this time?"

"Because you did the funniest thing I had ever seen," Pidge said with a grin.

"What happened?," Lance asked as he painfully sat up. "The last thing I remember was being shot at by alternate versions of us and then diving through the portal in the elevator."

Keith, Allura, Hunk, and Pidge all stood there, looking at each other bewildered.

"What are you talking about?" asked Hunk.

"You know, Haggar interrupted Keith and Allura's wedding and I chased them through a portal in the elevator. The portal led to an alternate universe."

"We aren't getting married!" Keith and Allura shouted simultaneously.

"We're not even dating," Allura explained.

"But I remember, you were coming down the aisle and Haggar appeared and…" Lance stopped and held his head. "I'm so confused."

"Let me tell you what happened," Pidge said. "We were all in the Great Dining Hall celebrating the birth of Cheddar's son and you had way too much to drink. Nanny came into the hall with a walking cane because she had dropped a big pot on her foot earlier and you mistook her for Haggar."

"You jumped up from the table and tackled her," Hunk said with a chuckle.

Allura placed her hand on Lance's shoulder. "You scared the poor woman half to death."

"Once she got over that…she was MAD!" Pidge added.

"What happened next?" asked Lance.

"Well, two guards came in and you thought they were Doom soldiers. So you took off down the hall," Keith explained.

"It was hilarious," Pidge stated. "You were stumbling down the hall, trying to run. You knocked over three trash cans, five of those sand filled ash trays, some French guy with a poodle and a little old lady waiting for the bus."

Lance grimmaced. "I'm afraid to ask what happened next."

"Fearing for your life, you ran to the nearest elevator," Allura told him.

"More like dove for the nearest elevator," Pidge smirked. "You plowed head first right into the back of it."

"You got a nice concussion from it. That's why you're here," Keith finished.

"Boy, I've had some embarrassing adventures before, but this one takes the cake."

"With any luck, we'll win the million dollar grand prize," Pidge said, rubbing his hands together.

"Huh?"

"I sent the security cam footage too the Galaxy's Funniest Home Videos show," Pidge said with an evil grin.

"Pidge, when I get out of this bed, I'm going to strangle you."

Lance was released from the Medical Wing the following day and was given specific instructions to take it easy for a few days.

Lance rode the elevator from the Medical Wing up to his quarters. Half way up it stops to let on a passenger.

Nanny entered the elevator and a cruel grin crosses her face. "Zo, I look like Haggar huh? To you, I look like an old vitch?" She rolled up her sleeves.

"Look…Nanny…I was drunk, I didn't know what I was doing…" Lance said followed by a gulp.

"I've heard dat von before."

The elevator doors closed as Nanny closed in on Lance.


	2. S3E2 Indiana Lance

**The Adventures of Elevator Lance:**

**Indiana Lance**

It had been one week since Nanny beat the hell out of Lance in the elevator and though the physical wounds had healed, the emotional ones were still festering. But alas, it was time for Lance to go to work and at work he was determined to be.

As he was leaving his quarters, Lance was approached by Keith.

"Hey Lance, I just saw the review, season 3 is off to a great start."

Lance walked with Keith down the hall. "Thanks, but did you hear the news? This is my final season. The series is being cancelled."

"I'm sorry to hear that, no more elevator adventures huh?"

"Nope. After this season I'll be free of ninja mice, farting stormtroopers, wacky cross-overs that make no sense whatsoever, and the best of all…I'll be free of that annoying poodle."

"Then you can focus on just fighting Zarkon's robeasts," Keith pointed out.

"Yep, it'll be nice to get back to the simpler life," Lance said as he approached elevator.

"Crap! I left something back in my room. I'll catch up to you later." Keith turned and headed back down the hall.

The elevator doors opened to reveal an empty shaft except for a single rope dangling.

Lance sighed. "This is going to be one of those episodes, isn't it?"

Lance slowly began the decent down the dark shaft. A soft, stale breeze blews upwards. After what seemed like an extremely long climb down, Lance could see a faint glow penetrating the darkness below. He emerged into a small alcove with three stone walls and a dirt path leading out into the darkness.

Lance shivered from a cold breeze. "I wonder if Coran knows this is down here." Lance looked around and saw a brown leather jacket draped across the shoulders of a skeleton. "I guess you won't be needing this any more."

Lance removed the jacket from the corpse then lifted a burning torch from the wall. Slowly he made his way down the path. After twenty minutes, Lance cames to a 5 foot gap in the floor and a large wooden beam above.

"Great, now how do I get across?" he asked himself. He looked around and saw a whip lying on the floor, covered in layers of dust. "What the hell…" he said. After three tries, Lance finally got the whip to wrap around the beam, then held his breath as he swung across.

To his surprise, Lance landed safely. He left the whip attached to the beam, secured the handle to the wall, then continued down the path which was slowly winding itself further down. Soon, Lance came to a large open area with a strange white substance on the floor. After careful examination, Lance looked up to see thousands of strange flying creatures resembling pigeons fluttering above the ceiling. Looking around, Lance found another skeleton with a brown hat. Removing the hat, he placed it upon his head.

Very carefully, Lance made his away across the open area, careful to avoid from falling down in the pidgeon poo. On the other side of the area he found a few steps leading to a raised dais. Upon the dais he found a small golden statue of a mouse.

"How did this get here?" He looked around. "Well, since no one is around….I might get something for it off of eBay." He picked the statue up.

The small pedestal that the statue was resting upon slowly slid down into the dais. A mighty rumble caused Lance to panic and he ran from the dais. The pigeon like creatures became agitated and bombed Lance with their white droppings. The ground below Lance began to quake and stone blocks began falling from the walls and ceiling.

Lance slipped in the bird poop and landed hard on his back. A boulder dropped down beside him. "Holy crap!" He quickly got back onto his feet and ran back up the pathway.

Lance approached the gap in the floor. The sound of the ceiling crumbling behind him becoming louder and louder. He grabbed the handle of the whip and stepped back and pulled the whip tought. The beam broke free and fell, landing across the gap like a makeshift walkway.

"That works," he said with a shrug. Lance started walking across the beam but stopped when the beam starts to crack. "Uh oh…."

Lance leapt from the beam to the dirt path on the other side just as the beam broke in two and fell.

Rushing up the path, Lance made it back to the alcove and started climbing up the rope. Lance could hear the stone walls collapse beneath him. Though tired, Lance forced himself to climb up the rope. After another long climb, Lance came up to the first floor just as the doors opened. With barely any strength left, Lance pulled himself into the hallway and rolled onto his back on the floor.

Onlookers stared in disbelief at the dirty, smelly figure in front of them.

"Lance!" Allura said as she rushed over to him. "Are you…" she wrinkled her nose, "alright?"

" Do….I….look….alright?" He coughed, dust flying from his mouth. "Here, I found this." He handed Allura the statue.

"Oh my gosh! I can't believe you found this. Lance, do you know what this is?"

"Not really," he admitted as he wiped bird poop from his face.

"It's the famous Schokolade Maus Statua," she said.

"The what?"

Allura peeled away the outer gold, revealing it to be foil, to reveal a hollow, milk chocolate mouse. "The famous Chocolate Mouse Statue. I lost it when I was a kid before I could eat it. I can't believe you found it." Excitedly, Allura broke off one of the mouse's ears.

Lance looked up at Allura from the floor. "You're not gonna…"

Allura popped the chocolate ear into her mouth.

Lance did his best not to vomit. "I'm so glad this series is ending."


	3. S3E3 Comi-Con Comes to Arus

**The Adventures of Elevator Lance:**

**Comi-Con Comes to Arus**

"Good morning, guys." Lance entered the elevator with Keith, Pidge, Hunk and Allura.

"You're in a good mood this morning," Allura pointed out.

"And why not? After today, there are only 9 episodes left," Lance said with a smile.

"And you're not upset by this?" asked Pidge.

"Hell no! After the crap the writer has put me through, I'll be glad when this season is over." The doors closed and the elevator began to move.

"I'm going to miss it," Allura remarked sadly.

"That's because you've had it easy," Lance told her. "Besides, you've got your own story going on."

Keith finally joined into the conversation. "Oh come on Lance, you're telling me you won't miss starring in your own series?"

"That's what I'm saying. It's been fun for everyone else but not for me."

"Not for me," Hunk said. "I haven't had a big part yet."

"Then you can have the next series," Lance told him. "Just leave me out of it."

The conversation ended and everyone stood in silence as the numbers counted down to 1. The doors opened and the Voltron Force stepped out into a darkened room. The only light came from a small table lamp. In front of them was a black curtain. The room itself was occupied by what looked to be a production crew.

"Excuse me, but what's going on here?" Keith asked.

"Oh good, you're here," said a production member. He then spoke into an ear piece announcing that the Voltron Force had arrived.

The production director walked swiftly up to the Voltron Force. "What are you still doing here? Hurry up and go on stage. Everyone's waiting." He started shoving and pushing the team towards the black curtain.

As the Voltron Force emerged out onto a platform, several people could be heard applauding them; however most of the noise were sighs of disappointment.

"I thought we were gonna get to see the original Power Rangers," yelled an audience member.

"Power Rangers? Why would you want to see those copy-cat, no-talent hacks?!" yelled Hunk.

The Voltron Force was ushered to a long table that featured other famous characters. The original He-Man and his sister She-Ra, Lion-O and Tygra, G1 Bumble Bee, Steel Heart and Steel Will from the Silverhawks, Rainbow Brite and Inspector Gadget were also present.

There was a brief sound of static as the host picked up the microphone. "Now that all of our guests have arrived we will start the audience question portion." Looking out into the audience, he picked out one of the many raised hands.

A young boy was the first to be picked. "Um…yeah….I uh….was wondering….when will V3D be released on DVD."

"Never!" Allura stated. "In fact, we try to avoid talking about that train wreck."

Keith spoke up after Allura. "What Allura is trying to say is, because of several problems that occurred during filming of the show, it is unlikely that it will be released to DVD in the near future."

"Next question," said the host.

A young girl was chosen next. "Could you tell me…why do your flight suits not match your lions?"

"That's easy," said Pidge. It is tradition that the leader wears red; Lance just prefers the color blue and since Allura's the girl, she gets to wear pink."

"Besides," Hunk added. "We tried getting Lance to wear a pink flight suit but he complained that it made his butt look big."

"Shut up!" Lance yelled.

"Another question," the host said.

A fanboy, around the age of twenty-six stood up. "So, how come the episode is called the Right Arm of Voltron even though Sven piloted the right leg?"

Keith answered the question. "That's because Sven was the second-in-command at the time. It was a play on the phrase "he's my right hand man."

"Well that's stupid," the fanboy said. "It still should have been called the Right Leg of Voltron."

"We'll be sure to pass that on to the writers of the next series," Lance stated.

"Any more questions?" asked the host.

A twenty-something fangirl stood up next. "Yeah, I would like to know about the relationship between Keith and Allura. Are you two ever going to hook up?"

"Uh….well…." was all Keith could say.

Allura decided to answer the question in order to save her 'leader'. "Just keep reading "Allura Does Arus" and you'll find out if it ever happens or not."

"We have time for one more question," the host said.

"I've got a question," G1 Bumbe Bee said. "Since when did these schmucks become the center of attention? This event isn't just about Voltron, you know."

"I feel so neglected," said Rainbow Brite. "No one ever cares about my show any more."

"You rode around on a rainbow all day," said She-Ra. "It didn't take long for kids to get sick of all those colors."

"Well, you rode everything from Hordak to Madam Razz!" Rainbow Brite countered.

"You little bitch!" She-Ra stood up and drews her sword.

Steel Heart and Steel Will stood up to guard Rainbow Brite. "Back away She-Ra. As Rainbow's pimps we have to protect our property."

He-Man stood and drew his sword. "We'll turn you Terminator wannabes into scrap metal."

Tygra joined Steel Heart and Steel Will. "Just try it you walking, talking, steroid."

"Why don't you just turn yourself invisible and then go lick yourself, Tygra," She-Ra said.

As the guests challenged each other, Lion-O quickly pulled out the sword of omens and in a whisper said "Sword of Omens, give me sight beyond sight!" The sword reacted to its master's command and Lion-O used the sword to peer through the clothing of the female members of the audience.

Lance leaned over to whisper to Keith. "I think it's time for us to leave."

"Good idea," Keith said.

Together, the Voltron Force slipped down beneath the long table and crawled their way out behind the curtain.

"Go go gadget arsenal!"

As the Voltron Force entered the elevator they heard an explosion. A few seconds later they saw a mushroom cloud rising above the curtain.

Lance looked around at his teammates. "Now, what were you all saying about this series?"

"We'll be glad when it's over," Pidge quipped.


	4. S3E4 The Elephant Story

**The Adventures of Elevator Lance:**

**Lance and the Elephant Story**

As usual, Lance woke up ready for another hard day at the office. After his morning routine of showering, getting dressed and eating breakfast, he headed down the hallway to the elevator. As he got in, he was greeted by the blank stare of a ten year old boy who was slowly eating a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. As Lance pushed the button and the elevator began moving, the kid just stood there, staring at him as he slowly chewed.

After several floors, Lance finally got tired of being stared at. "Would you please stop looking at me?"

The boy kept staring.

"Stop it!"

"Have you ever been to the circus?" the boy asked him.

"Huh?"

"I went to a circus once," the boy continued.

"Are you sure you weren't IN the circus?" Lance mumbled.

"At the show I saw this elephant that had a dwarf for a trainer."

"A dwarf trainer?" Lance asked, giving the boy a weird look.

"Uh huh…and he made the elephant wear a ballerina costume."

"What?"

"And he would make the elephant stand up and spin around. There was a rumor that the trainer and the elephant were lovers."

"Huh? Now I know you're making this up."

"Its all true. The elephant eventually squashed his trainer one day. The owners had to shoot the elephant. I heard that the two were buried together."

Lance moved slowly towards the panel and tried to activate the stop button.

"They had a great big tombstone," the boy continued.

Lance frantically pushed the stop button, but it wouldn't work.

"This one time I went to a freak show and saw these Siamese elephants. They were joined at the end of their trunks like that." He held up both of his hands, touching his fists together.

Lance started pressing buttons randomly.

"And their trainer would make them stand up on their hind legs and stretch their trunks out. Then this little monkey would come out and dance the Merengue across their trunks."

Lance pounded on the control panel. "_There is something seriously wrong with this kid_," Lance thought.

"I felt sorry for them because when one would sneeze the other's eyes would get real big."

The elevator finally stopped and Lance quickly said good bye and left the kid alone. It wasn't long until Lance ran into Allura and Hunk.

"I really think we should have security personnel in the elevators," he told them as he tried to catch his breath.

"Why?" asked Hunk.

"Way too many freaks running around this place," Lance said."

A short while later, Pidge, who was running late, got on the elevator. As the doors closed he noticed a boy in the elevator.

"You ever been to a freak show?" the boy asked.

Pidge could have sworn the kids eyes flashed red.

The elevator began to move before Pidge could get out.


	5. S3E5 The Mario Brothers

**Adventures of Elevator Lance:**

**The Mario Bros.**

"Morning, Lance!" Pidge said with more excitement in his voice than Lance cared for first thing in the morning.

"Morning, Pidge," he replied barely awake.

Pidge walked with Lance towards the elevator. "Did you hear the news? My Voltron Soundtrack is a big hit with the fans."

"Yeah, that's great, Pidge." Lance yawned.

"Yep! I know fans will be uploading those songs to iPods all over the galaxy."

"So what are you going to do now that it's a success?" Lance asked as he pressed the button for the elevator.

"Well, I'm thinking about producing either autographed pictures of us or maybe some Voltron trading cards."

"Trading cards?" Lance asked. "Come on, who would you possibly sucker into creating those things?"

"Need I remind you whose fanfiction account these episodes are on?" Pidge asked.

"Good point," Lance said. He entered the elevator with Pidge and pressed the first floor button.

"The problem," Pidge continued, "will be finding the right publisher and distributor."

"Well, you could always try…" Lance was cut off as a strange green pipe emerged from the top of the elevator.

Two strangely dressed men emerge from the pipe.

"It'sa me, a Mario," the man dressed in the red overalls said as he tipped his hat at Pidge and Lance. "Hello."

"Uh...Mario," Luigi said as he looked around.

"Who are you?" asked Lance.

"I am Mario and this is my brother Luigi. We are here to rescue the fair Princess."

"Mario….this uh, doesn't look like the Mushroom Kingdom," Luigi stated.

Mario looked around the elevator. "Dammit! I told you we shouldn't have asked Birdo for directions."

"You told me? I told you, you stereotypical, Italian, fatso!"

"Fatso? At least I'm not some second rate second banana who's confused about his sexual orientation!"

"Oh yeah! Well you ruined the movie for everyone!" Luigi countered.

"Mom always loved me best!" claimed Mario.

Suddenly, the two brothers leapt at each other, swinging, punching, kicking and biting within a cloud of dust and spaghetti sauce. Lance and Pidge did the only thing they could think of; they stood as far back from the dueling brothers as they could.

After several minutes, the two stopped fighting, exhausted, bleeding and bruised.

"Are you two done?" asked Lance.

"For now," Luigi gasped.

"We still need to find the Princess," Mario said while wiping blood (or spaghetti sauce) from his mouth.

"Well, I'm sorry to tell you this, but your princess is in another castle," Pidge told them.

"It's always 'another castle'," cried Luigi.

"Let's go, Luigi."

The first pipe disappeared and a second pipe appeared out of the bottom of the elevator.

Mario stood on the edge of the pipe. "Thank you, gentlemen, for all your help. May the moon shine in your eye, like a big pizza pie…mmmm, some pizza sounds really good right now."

Luigi walked over and knocked Mario down into the pipe. "Sorry for the interruption." Luigi leapt into the pipe, which disappeared into the floor.

"Boy, those two have a serious case of sibling rivalry," Pidge pointed out.

"Let's just hope our movie doesn't turn out as bad as theirs," Lance stated.


	6. S3E6 The Doctor is in

**Adventures of Elevator Lance:**

**The Doctor is in**

The door slid closed behind Lance as he entered the hallway. Except for Keith, the hall was deserted.

"Awfully quiet this morning," Keith pointed out.

"Yeah," Lance said as he looked around nervously. "A little too quiet."

"Would you relax," Keith told him. "You're half-way home, it's almost over."

"Half way over…" Lance reflected. "That's usually when things start mounting."

Keith placed his hand on Lance's shoulder. "Come on, let's get downstairs. I'm hungry."

"You're starting to sound like Hunk."

The two approached the elevator and pushed the button.

"Have you seen this week's caption contest? There are some good entries," Keith asked.

"I don't really follow the caption contests. I found them a little too….boring."

"That's only because you're not involved to liven things up," Keith joked.

"What can I say? I like being the life of the party." Lance grinned.

The elevator chimed and the two stepped in. Lance pressed the button and the doors closed. It didn't take long before the elevator then began to move.

"Did you at least see the last issue of the Devil's Due comics?" Keith asked.

Lance shook his head. "No, how do they look?"

"Horrible. You should have seen what they did to your hair."

Lance frowned. "Is it that bad?"

"Oh yeah."

"Tell me, how does that make you feel?" came an unknown voice from behind them.

Simultaneously, Keith and Lance turned around to see a man with a thick graying beard dressed in a suit and wearing glasses sitting in a big, soft chair holding a clipboard. The man was talking to a figure that was lying on a couch next to the chair.

"Well Doc, it makes me feel inadequate. Like I can't stand up to the challenge and perform to the best of my ability."

"I see," said the doctor. "And what do you think is the root of the problem?"

"If I knew that, I wouldn't be talking to you," said Prince Lotor.

Lance gave Keith a weird look then looked back at the doctor. "Excuse me, but what is going on here?"

"Shhh…please, I am with a client right now." The doctor turned his attention back to his notepad. "Now, tell me more about your father."

"He's over-bearing, overly critical, condescending, uncaring, and he treats me like just another one of his soldiers."

"And what does that do to you?" asked the doctor as he placed his hand on his chin.

"It makes me angry. I'm Prince Lotor, Crowned Prince of Planet Doom. I have crushed great armies, I've seduced countless women across the galaxy; the mere sound of my name makes whole populations tremble in fear. Yet, no matter what I accomplish, my father sees me as nothing but a failure."

"Why do you say that?" the doctor asked as he ran his fingers through his beard.

"Because it's never good enough," Lotor said with a sigh. "He always wants me to do better. If I conquer three worlds, he said I 'should have conquered five'. If I bring him thousands of slaves, he says I should have had 'a thousand more'. It's just so frustrating."

"Pardon me," said Keith, "but what the hell is going on here?"

"Excuse me," said Lotor as he sat up. "I'm trying to have a session here. I've got issues that need to be dealt with. This is costing me precious money here."

Keith held his hands up defensively. "My bad. Please continue."

"Thank you." Lotor laid back down.

"Why do you think your father treats you like this?" asked the doctor, this time removing some lint from his beard.

"I don't know. I mean…he just doesn't understand. All I'm asking for is a little compassion, a little love. What good does it do to conquer a world if no one appreciates it?"

Lance whispered to Keith. "Do you believe this quack?"

Keith whispered back. "At least he's not trying to kill us."

"Let us go back to your seducing of the women," said the doctor.

Lance turned his attention to the conversation. "This should be interesting."

"Why do you think you can't settle with one woman?"

"I want to, but she doesn't want me."

"That's because you're a monster," interrupted Keith.

"Please," the doctor said as he held up a hand. "Treating my patient in such a manner does nothing to help him resolve his emotional problems." He turned back to Lotor. "If you could have this woman, would you be able to settle down with her?"

"I'd like to think that I could, but given my past history, I'm not sure."

"Did you have a good relationship with your mother?" asked the doctor.

"Not really," Lotor said sadly. "I vaguely remember her. She left me when I was only five. Shortly after that, my father had servants begin training me in the ways of royalty until I was only enough to go to military school."

"I see. Do you miss your mother?"

"Deep down, but my father taught me that such feelings were trivial and would cause nothing short of my downfall."

"I see." The doctor scribbled some notes. "Well it seems to me that your failed relationship with your mother has caused you to treat women in a rather dispensable fashion. You expect them to leave you just like your mother did, so you leave them before they have the chance to hurt you."

"Really?" Lotor asked turning his head to look at the doctor. "Please continue."

"Also, your father's attempts to control your life have caused you to rebel out against him, indirectly by trying to out do him on the battlefields of the galaxy. You wish to overthrow him in order to take control, not of the galaxy but of your own life."

"Give me a break," Lance muttered.

"Wow Doc. That explains a lot." Lotor smiled.

"Well, our time is up. We will continue this discussion next week."

"Thank you," Lotor said while standing up.

Keith and Lance looked at each other completely confused and in shock. Before they could say anything, the elevator stopped and the doors opened. As they stepped out, they were nearly knocked over by a naked man running through the hallway.

"DON'T LICK ME! DON'T LICK ME!" cried the naked man.

"What the hell was that?" asked Keith.

"That was my 9 O'clock appointment," the doctor said calmly.

"I told you," Lance said. "They just keep mounting up."

Lance walked off down the hall. Keith, still in a bit of shock, finally shook it off and followed after Lance. Behind them, security guards were running back and forth trying to grab hold of the naked man running around the castle.


	7. S3E7 Who to Call

**The Adventures of Elevator Lance:**

**Who You Gonna' Call?**

It had been another long, hard day for the Voltron Force. Haggar had sent another robeast to Arus and Prince Lotor had once again tried to convince Allura to marry him by holding civilians hostage. Needless to say, the Voltron Force triumphed over this latest attack and sent Lotor packing with more than just a bruised ego.

"Man, I wish I could have seen Lotor's face when he discovered that Lance was dressed as the Princess," said Pidge.

"It was absolutely priceless, Pidge. Lance was rather surprised by Lotor's actions." Allura giggled.

"What happened?" Pidge asked curiously.

"I don't want to talk about it," Lance said, sulking.

Allura grinned and began to tell the story. "Well, while I snuck the hostages away, Lance did his best to distract Lotor. But once Lotor kissed him, he couldn't keep the charade up any longer."

"LOTOR KISSED YOU?!" yelled Pidge.

"Not so loud," Lance said as he looked around to make sure no one heard Pidge. "Besides, I said I didn't want to talk about it…"

Allura kept talking. "I thought Lotor's eyes would pop out of his head when Lance took my helmet off." She started to laugh.

Pidge fell to the floor laughing. "I wish I was on Planet Doom when Lotor arrived" Pidge continued laughing.

Embarrassed by the incident, Lance left his two hysterical teammates and headed for the elevator. Lance gave a heavy sigh as he realized that the elevator was near the top and it would take some time for it to arrive. As he waited, three gentlemen wearing jump suits and strange backpacks came up to wait for the elevator.

"What are you suppose to be, some kind of cosmonaut?" Lance asked.

"No, we're exterminators," said the guy with the name 'Venkman' on his jumpsuit. "Someone saw a cockroach up on 30."

Lance looked at their complicated gear. "That must be some cockroach."

"It'll bite your head off," Venkman said.

The elevator chimed and the three gentlemen got on.

"Going up?" asked the man name Stantz.

"I'll take the next one," replied Lance.

The elevator doors closed and Lance was alone again. He could still hear his friends laughing down the hall.


	8. S3E8 Not the Elevator

**The Adventures of Elevator Lance:**

**Not the Elevator He's Looking For**

"Ahh, another beautiful day. One day closer to the end of this series."

Lance set about getting ready for work. After a hot shower and a hearty breakfast, he left his quarters in the happiest mood he had been in for a long time. He waited for the elevator with anxious abandon.

"Hey Lance. Why are you so bouncy today?" asked Hunk.

"Four more episodes, Hunk."

"Huh?" Hunk gave Lance a quizzical look.

"Four more episodes and I'm home free. No more waiting for the elevator. No more crazy adventures. No more painful surprises."

"What are you going to do when the series is over?"

Lance grinned. "I'm spending a month in Disney World."

The elevator doors opened and Lance jumped back at what he saw. Standing in the middle of the elevator was an all-too familiar wookie flanked by two stormtroopers.

"Where are you taking _that_ thing?" asked Lance.

"To the showers, I hope." Hunk waved his hand in front of his face.

Chewbacca roared.

"Prisoner transfer from cell block 1138," said the shorter stormtrooper.

"You're on the wrong floor," said Hunk. "You need to go down four levels then take a right."

The taller Stormtrooper raised his hand. "Thanks."

"Hey!" Lance said. "Aren't you a bit short for a stormtrooper?"

The shorter stormtrooper tilted his head at Lance. "Didn't anyone ever tell you that your lion's a bit girly?"

Before Lance could respond the doors closed and the elevator began moving again.

"He's right, you know. It is a bit girly," Hunk remarked.

"And your lion's fat," Lance said.

The second elevator chimed and Lance moved to get on it but was stopped by another surprise.

"I can feel the conflict within you. Let go of your hate," said Luke Skywalker.

"There is no conflict. Burritos give me gas, let's do Italian." Darth Vader noticed Lance watching them. "Dammit. Is there such a thing as privacy around here?"

"I'm just trying to get on an elevator."

Darth Vader waved his hand. "This is not the elevator you're looking for."

"This is not the elevator I'm looking for," Lance said.

The elevator closed and moved on. It took several seconds for Lance to come back to his senses.

"Damn! I hate this series!" Lance stormed off, heading for the stair well.

As Lance walked away another elevator door opened up.

"Lance, the elevator is here!" Hunk yelled.

Lance's hand went up. "Forget it! There is nothing on that elevator I'm interested in dealing with. I'm taking the stairs."

Hunk shrugged then entered the elevator. Standing in the elevator was Princess Leia in her gold bikini. Hunk smiled as the elevator closed.


	9. S3E9 Haggar's Identity

**The Adventures of Elevator Lance:**

**Haggar's Mistaken Identity**

The Voltron Force had finished their patrols early and for their hard work Keith rewarded the team the rest of the day off. Lance was looking forward to getting a shower and then patrolling the halls of the castle for any suspicious (and lonely) maids. As he neared the elevator, Pidge emerged from the 'Royal Gift Shop' laughing.

"What's so funny?" Lance asked Pidge.

"This article in Galactic People Magazine. They did an expose on Haggar."

"What could possibly be funny about that?" Lance asked as he pressed the button to call the elevator.

"The author wrote Haggar as a male instead of female."

"No way! Let me see," Lance said excitedly.

Pidge handed the magazine to Lance.

Lance read the article out loud as he stepped into the elevator.

_Without a doubt, one of the most influential people in this galaxy is Witch Haggar. Although King Zarkon wouldn't openly admit it, Haggar is definitely his right hand man. Haggar is more than aware of his importance to Zarkon's kingdom. "Who else is going to keep tabs on all those robeasts?" he remarked. Many have wondered over Haggar's ghastly appearance. In a bold move, I asked him what happened. As Haggar told me the story, I couldn't help but feel sorry for him. It turns out that Haggar was once quite attractive and could lure any guy he wanted into the bedroom. An unfortunate accident involving some nasty chemicals and a backfiring spell turned a once beautiful person into the robe shrouded figure we see today._

Lance chuckled. "Haggar could lure any guy 'he' wanted into the bedroom?"

"It gets better," Pidge said gleefully.

_It's been suggested that there is something behind the curtains between Haggar and King Zarkon. "I cannot comment on that," he said. I asked about Prince Lotor and Haggar's response was a bit different. "There may be something, there may not. But until he stops whining about Allura, Lotor will never had a solid relationship." Some might say there is a little green eyed monster lurking beneath Haggar's robe. Unfortunately, we couldn't get him to flat out admit it._

The elevator stopped which caused Lance to stop reading. Looking up as the doors opened, Lance and Pidge were both caught off guard.

"Give me that," Haggar said as she snatched the magazine from Lance.

"I wasn't finished with that."

"You are now." Haggar disappeared in a cloud of smoke.

"What's her problem?"

"Must be male menopause," Pidge remarked.


	10. S3E10 The Girl Scout

**Adventures of Elevator Lance:**

**Relentless Girl Scouts**

Lance was rushing around his quarters. He had overslept and was now extremely late. "Keith isn't going to be happy."

As he rushed out the door, Lance bumped into a small girl wearing a brown and green uniform.

"Good morning," she said flashing a big smile. "Would you like to buy some cookies today?"

Lance gave her a quick look over. He was so preoccupied with being late that all he really noticed was the astounding number of patches on her sash. "Not right now, I'm running late," he said. Lance turned away from her and walked down the hall.

The girl scout followed Lance. "I won't take very much of your time," she said. "We're having a competition and the person who sells the most cookies gets a free trip to Hawaii, on Earth."

Lance stopped and looked at her. "Look, I bet you're a very sweet girl and I wish you the best of luck. But I'm running late for work and if I don't get there quickly, I'll be in a lot of trouble." He turned and headed back down the hall.

The girl gave Lance a dirty look.

Lance got in the elevator and pushed the button. "Hopefully, nothing else will go wrong today."

The elevator dropped two floors and stopped.

"Great," he mumbled. "It's going to be one of those episodes."

The elevator doors opened and there stood the little Girl Scout.

"By the way, did I mention that I accept cash, money orders, cashier's checks and credit cards? No personal checks though," the girl scout said with a smile.

"Go away!" Lance pushed the 'close door' button.

The elevator moved but stopped again on the next floor. The doors opened and once again the little girl stood there.

Lance was stunned. "How did you get here so fast?"

"I'm not supposed to do this, but I'll lower my price per box. The more you buy, the more you'll save. If money is an issue, I can work out a finance program."

"Money is not an issue. I'm just not interested in buying any cookies. Now please leave me alone," Lance pushed the 'close' button again.

Once again the elevator began to move and as before only dropped a few floors when it stopped. The doors opened but this time Lance was prepared.

"I told you, I don't want any damn cookies!" he yelled.

"Vell! Zat vus vewy wude." Without another word, Nanny punched Lance.

The doors closed with Lance nursing his right eye.

"That looked like it hurt," said the girl scout.

"Ahhh!" Lance turned and looked at the girl. "How did you get in here?"

"Want to buy some cookies now? They'll help you feel better."

The elevator doors opened again and Lance threw the little girl out, followed by her box of cookies. The doors closed and Lance was once again alone. The elevator began to move again but stopped after four floors. The doors opened and there stood a little old lady.

"Hello there, sonny, she said as she got on the elevator.

"Ma'am," Lance said.

The lady turned to Lance as the elevator moved. "Say, can I ask you a question young man?"

Lance sighed. "Sure."

The lady pulled out a chocolate cookie. "Try this thin mint and tell me if it's still good."

"Huh?" Lance grabbed the woman's hair and pulled, revealing the girl scout inside the old lady costume.

"Perhaps you'd like a Samoa instead?" she asked with a grin.

Lance once again threw the girl out of the elevator.

The elevator continued its journey without interruption.

Lance heard a noise above him. "What in the…?"

The girl scout came down through the emergency hatch in the elevator's ceiling in true Mission Impossible style, stopping just above the floor. "Maybe you would like Do-Si-Dos…"

Lance pressed the stop button, which caused the girl to fall to the floor. "Leave me alone!" Lance ran out of the elevator as soon as the doors opened.

Without stopping, Lance ran down the stairs to the first floor and bolted to the control room. He arrived just as the elevators to the Lions rose up.

"Me first!" Lance yelled as he bolted past everyone and jumped into the elevator.

Lance dropped down into launch tube and rocketed through the underground tunnel. Like always, it only took a few moments until he was in Red Lion. Wiping sweat off his brow he gave a sigh of relief.

Keith came over the comm. "Lance, are you alright?"

"Yeah, I'm..." Lance was cut off when the Girl Scout poked her head around from behind his chair. "…AAHHHHHH!"

"Will you please buy some cookies?"

"YES! YES! FOR THE LOVE OF ALFOR, YES! Just leave me alone!" Lance broke down and cried.

The girl walked through the halls of the castle whistling happily and counting her large wad of bills.


	11. S3E11 Meet the Muppets

**Adventures of Elevator Lance:**

**Lance Meets the Muppets**

Lance looked at his bathroom mirror. "Just one more episode to go," he said to his reflection.

With some hesitance, Lance stepped out into the hallway. Satisfied that he was alone, Lance headed towards the elevator. As he rounded a corner, Lance bumped into someone.

"Excuse me," Lance said.

Kermit the frog was dressed in a brown trench coat and brown hat, holding a microphone. "That's ok. It's difficult for people to see me sometimes."

Lance gave Kermit a strange look.

"What?" Kermit asked.

"Sorry, I've just never seen a talking frog before."

"I'm not just any frog, I'm Kermit the Frog and I'm here to ask you the question of the day."

"Question of the day?" asked Lance.

"Yes, I go around and ask people the designated question for that day."

"Right…" Lance shrugged. "Ok, shoot."

"So, on to the question of the day. Can you…"

"KEEERRRRRMMIIIIIITTTTT!" came the voice of Fozzy the Bear.

Kermit sighed. "Yes Fozzy?"

Fozzy ran up to Kermit. "Kermit! Kermit! I've got a great new joke to tell you."

"I'm a little busy right now, Fozzy."

"Oh, hi," Fozzy said as he waved to Lance. "Kermit, this'll only take a second."

Kermit looked to Lance. "Excuse me for a moment."

Lance nodded, like he knew what was going on and then slipped away to the elevator as Fozzy spoke to Kermit.

Fozzy cleared his throat. "Ok…Knock knock."

"Who's there?" Kermit asked.

"I don't know…" Fozzy said.

"I don't know who?" Kermit inquired.

Fozzy shrugged. "No, I don't know. I forgot the joke."

"Sheesh." Kermit turned to find Lance was gone.

Lance stood in the elevator whistling the theme to Voltron.

The elevator stopped and the doors opened. A disheveled Allura rushed in and pressed the 'close' button.

"Allura, are you alright?" Lance asked her.

"No!" she cried. Allura tried to straighten her hair. "Some crazy creature with orange hair and a big mouth kept chasing me around the castle this morning. It kept screaming 'wo-man, wo-man, wo-man' over and over again."

The maintenance hatch in the ceiling opened and Animal stuck his head through.

"WO-MAN! WO-MAN!" he cried out.

Allura screamed and pressed the 'stop ' button. The doors opened and she ran out.

Animal dropped down to the floor. "Wo-man," he said with a chuckle and then walked out the door.

A few floors down the elevator stopped again. As the doors opened, Lance could see a lab in the midst of chaos. Hunk was trying to put out a fire, Pidge was being attacked by a vicious bunny and Bunsen was trying to help Beaker (who was covered in soot) down off the ceiling fan.

Lance looked at the reader. "We're really stretching the plot line this time, huh?"

Lance thought he had a clear shot to the bottom floor until the elevator stopped again. Looking out, he saw a strange blue creature with a long nose fly past on a rocket pack and Nanny chasing him with a broom.

"Come back here, you veirdo. I'll teach you to fly through my castle!"

"I didn't know Nanny could move that fast," Lance said to himself.

The doors closed and Lance was relieved when the elevator began moving again. He watched as the floors went past one by one until finally he reached the first floor. As he stepped out of the elevator he was greeted by Kermit.

Kermit was panting heavily. "Now…can…I…ask you the…question…of the day?"

Lance sighed. "Sure."

"Can you…tell me how…"

"Kermit! I remembered the joke!" Fozzy yelled, interrupting Kermit for the second time.

"Not now, Fozzy."

"Knock knock…" Fozzy said.

"Who's there?" Kermit asked.

"Albegas…"

"Albegas who?" Kermit inquired.

"That's what everyone says! Wacka wacka wacka!" With his joke told, Fozzy turned and left.

"He needs to hire a better writer," Kermit remarked.

"So do I," Lance stated.

"Now, for the question of the day. Can you tell me how to get to Sesame Street?"

"Huh?"

Kermit spoke a little louder. "Can you tell me how to get to Sesame Street?"

"Why are you asking me?" Lance said. "Just Google it." Lance headed off towards the Control Room, ducking under a flying Gonzo and diving out of the way of Animal being chased by Allura.

"Help!" Animal cried as he fled in terror.

Allura continued chasing after Animal. "WAIT MY DARLING! I need you!"

"That was more painful to watch than my marriage," Waldorf said.

"Don't you mean your divorce?" asked Statler.

"No, that was the best part of my marriage," Waldorf said and both of the old men laughed.


	12. S3E12 The Final Episode: Again

**The Adventures of Elevator Lance:**

**The Final Episode…Again**

Lance cautiously slipped out of his quarters and tip toed down the hall, ducking into doorways and watching his environment closely. He reached the end of the hall and poked his head around the corner.

"It's quiet…too quiet" he whispered.

"Lance!" Keith yelled.

Lance jumped and screamed.

"What the hell are you doing?" Keith asked him.

"Shhhh…quiet down." Lance looked around to see if any attention had been drawn to him.

"Lance, what's going on?" Keith asked in a hush tone.

Lance leaned close to Keith's ear so he could whisper. "It's the last episode."

"So?"

"There's no telling what this crazy author is going to do to me today. For all I know, he might kill me off."

"Now what would give you that idea?" Keith asked.

"Have you read the episode title?" Lance asked as he pointed upward. "It says the 'Final Episode', again."

"That just means that after this there will be no more elevator adventures," Keith said calmly.

"And what better way to ensure that than to kill off the main character."

"You're just being paranoid," Keith pointed out.

"Am I Keith? Am I? Have you seen the crap this guy has put me through? I wouldn't put the idea past him; he's just crazy enough to do it."

"Geez. You really should see a therapist." Keith walked off. " I'll see you downstairs."

Lance looked around once more then bolted for the elevator. He slammed his hand on the button. Once the doors opened and he was inside, he practically pushed the doors closed. Lance nervously bit his nails as the numbers counted down.

"16…15…14…13…"

Without warning, the elevator jerked and came to a hard stop.

"Uh oh…" Lance pressed the 'open doors' button.

The elevator doors opened and Lance stepped into a dark room. Lance touched a cold wall and ran his hands along it until he came to what felt like wood. Cautiously, he knocked. The door opened and Lance was suddenly flooded with bright lights. As his eyes adjusted, he could see that he was on some sort of stage.

"Look who it is, everyone. It's Lance from the Voltron Force," came the charismatic voice of Dean Martin.

The audience clapped.

"Where am I?" asked Lance.

"You're on my show," Dean said.

"Huh?"

"You're on the Dean Martin show."

Lance walked around, looking at the set. "How did I get here?"

"The same way all my other surprise guests do." Dean pointed to the closet.

"Why am I here?" asked Lance.

Dean smiled. "To say farewell, of course."

Dean fixed Lance a drink and placed his arm around him.

Dean began to sing.

"_Everybody loves somebody sometime_

_Everybody falls in love somehow_

_Something in your kiss just told me_

_That sometime is now"_

Lance sang the next verse.

"_Everybody finds somebody someplace  
There's no telling where love may appear  
Something in my heart keeps saying  
My someplace is here"_

Dean took the lead.

"_If I had it in my power  
I'd arrange for every girl to have your charms  
Then every minute, every hour  
Everybody would find what I found in your arms"_

Lance really felt himself getting into the song.

"_Everybody loves somebody sometime  
And though my dreams were overdue  
Your love made it all worth waiting  
For someone like you"_

Dean belted out his last verse.

"_If I had it in my power  
I'd arrange for every girl to have your charms  
Then every minute, every hour  
Everybody would find what I found in your arms"_

Lance was happy to finish off the last verse.

"_Everybody loves somebody sometime  
And though my dreams were overdue  
Your love made it all worth waiting  
For someone like you"_

The audience clapped uncontrollably for the duo.

Dean spoke over the roar of the crowd. "We would like to thank all the members of the Voltron Forums for their support of this series. Without your kind words, this series wouldn't have made it past the first season."

"We would also like to extend a special 'thank you' to KeithsLionesse for the support and inspiration that she has given her husband in all his creative endeavors," Lance added.

"This may be the end of Elevator Lance, but this isn't the end of the fun," Dean said. "Keep your eyes open for more hilarious adventures starring the Voltron Force."

Lance and Dean took a bow as the audience erupted once again then the two walked into the closet, closing the door behind them.

Later that evening…

Lance stood at the elevator doors waiting for the elevator to arrive. He noticed a young man step up beside him. "Evening," Lance said.

"Hello there. I'm KBL."

"You're KBL?" Lance looked at the young man with strawberry blonde hair and hazel eyes.

"Yes I am," KBL said as he extended his hand. "Nice to meet you in person."

"So you're the guy who's put me through hell for the last three seasons?" Lance punched KBL square in the jaw.

KBL fell to the ground hard.

Lance got on the elevator and grinned as the doors shut.

KBL wiped a small amount of blood from his lip. "Of course you realize, this means war."


End file.
